What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 01:10
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
(And it was in our own minds.)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What it is like to have sex with a relative woman?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I couldn’t, believe it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
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Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But ive been too sick for many years..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
When does a woman know she is cumming?
She married twice! .
She loved him until the end.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
How does it feel to have sex with a 40 year old curvy aunty?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Especially a lifetime of it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why do men prefer low-maintanence women?
I could never make a relationship work though!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Comes on , in middle age.
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5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Does any other guys get turned on by dick pic makes you lick lips because you what to suck?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Does believing in God and Satan cause schizophrenia?
It was going to be , some day.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
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And i lived it daily.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was seconnd youngest,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I think the readers, may guess!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But it wasn’t much.
This is soul school!.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My family never makes their pension either.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was very sick at this time too.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im still living with it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My life is so biszare .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Put me off passion for life!!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I write beautiful poetry .
I will be 64.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She wouldn,t have been !
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
What did i know ?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Who then, do I blame.?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Would this be the day?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He knew the spot.
One cannot live in the past .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I waited trembling.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was 9 years of age.
I have no regrets .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I don,t even have a pension.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
All the time i was locked up.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
So whats the point in blame.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was scared of men, in general
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But, we were locked up after school.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She found it foreign!.
When she asked me how she looked .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I said to her
Ive learnt so much.
She was in good health!
Was to survive, this bastard.
So, i spoilt her more .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We all went to grammer schools
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We were not on the streets..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As i do to all so called friends.?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.